Transitions Read online

  “No. Stop. The whole thing was a mess.”

  “I think I also sensed there was actually something between you two…you and Tom Alan…something romantic and sexual. The kiss proved that.”

  Every time he brought it up, she cringed.

  “Don’t do that. It’s good, actually. I was always jealous, because I thought what you two had was always going to be more than what you and I could. I always felt inadequate with Tom Alan, not smart enough…unsophisticated.”

  “He would laugh about that, Billy. He really would. He used to do the same thing you do…where you stop to think of a word, except he would stop and ask me to fill in the blank.”

  “So you’re smarter than both of us.”

  “Well, I am a woman…or maybe I just know more words.”

  “Or just make them up…like teacher-y. That’s why I love you, and now, I actually believe you’re not just settling for me because you can’t have him.”

  “I never felt like that! Tom Alan shouldn’t have—”

  Billy shushed her with a kiss. “I just said I know that.”

  “Because Tom Alan and me kissing doesn’t have to mean anything.” Erika turned away.

  “Oh no.” Billy came back to her. “It means something, and it’s probably going to lead to something more. You love him.” He gently brought her face around to his. “You love me.”

  “I do.”

  “So, I have a choice then, right? And letting you go again isn’t an option, because I love you, too. Thanks for taking my side about Mr. Schwabb.”

  “He sounds terrible.”

  “I bet Tom Alan…half of why he was so mad…was because Fisher didn’t take his side. You always want your lover to take your side.” The roughness of Billy’s hand as it moved up Erika’s hip was in stark contrast to the smoothness of the silky fabric he displaced to do it. “Why do you wear these?” he asked.

  “You don’t find it sexy?”

  “Very…when you’re walking around. Once you’re in bed, it could come off.”

  “Sometimes I have to get up a couple times during the night.”

  Billy pulled the nightgown over Erika’s head and tossed it aside. “You’d look so fucking hot wrapped in a big, plain white sheet dragging half of it behind you.”

  “I’m not sure Etsuko…” Her words trailed off when Billy turned her toward the door and pulled her close from behind.

  “Come here. We’ll think about that when we have to, and…” He kicked the books off the bed.

  “Shh.”

  “We’ll worry about studying and the fellers in the morning.”

  * * * *

  Things were worrisome then, and also noisy. Milo was on a rampage by the time Erika came downstairs before the sun was up. “Why the frick do you have to hang your flannel on the hot water knob?” He poured her coffee, but the gesture didn’t undo the venom.

  “Good morning to you, too.” Erika mopped up the spillover before taking a sip. “What’s a flannel?”

  “Your facecloth. Washcloth. I don’t want to touch a used washcloth. Put it in the hamper or throw it on the floor! Just don’t leave it on the knob!” Milo slammed the refrigerator door hard enough to displace the Olympic ring magnets.

  “You’re a knob!”

  “Dada…dada…Say dada.” Billy was back from cleaning the rink—he’d left even earlier than he used to—and also back to that.

  “Is it because I have lady bits?”

  “He used to say the same thing to me all the time, Rika. I don’t think it’s bits- or gender-specific.”

  “Put it somewhere I don’t have to touch it!”

  “Are you two still fighting?” Erika asked Tom Alan as he entered through the back door.

  “No. We’re fighting again because he fell asleep and I didn’t wake him up.”

  “Neither last night nor early this morning,” Milo said.

  “You needed sleep.”

  “I bloody needed you.”

  “I told him to wake you up!” Erika said. “Why didn’t you do it in the shower?”

  “I waited for him, Flower…bathed really, really slowly, “ Milo grumbled, “but apparently, it’s garbage day.”

  “If someone had rolled the cans out to the curb, cleaned out the refrigerator, moved the recycling bin, and changed the cat litter last night…” Tom Alan said, bending over to drop globs of salmon and beef in gravy on two cat plates.

  “That’s why we need you around.” Erika patted his ass then immediately regretted it. “One of many reasons. I’m glad you’re staying.”

  “I never said I was staying.”

  Billy’s phone went off. “Oh. There it is. Jesse’s finally speaking to me again.”

  “What’d he say?”

  “Just ‘No hockey practice tonight, right?’ No,” Billy said as he typed. “Back on the school year schedule.” He hit send. “Hey. It’s better than nothing.”

  “Heaven forbid we just let everything go for a day and wait for next week’s rubbish pick up.” Milo fiddled with the MTA token nestled in his chest hair, almost yanking at it. The leather broke, and the metal round clinked onto the ceramic at Tom Alan’s bare feet.

  “You know Tom Alan is a bit OCD about certain stuff.”

  “You don’t have to explain Skater Boy to me, Flower.” It was a repeat of yesterday’s dialogue spoken by a different player.

  “Dada…dada…”

  “I wonder if Kensuke will go today.” Erika said.

  “I don’t know.” Tom Alan picked up Milo’s charm and put it on the granite counter top. “I hope he can get on the right track. I believe what I said, but I could have said it better. I think I owe him an apology. Parenting a teenager is no joke.”

  Milo gave him side eye.

  “I know. We’re not his parents. He has two. He’s also a challenge. Maybe he needs four.”

  “It’s the most important job there is. Dada? Dada?” Billy took a deep breath. “I want to be a part of this, guys. This…chaos. I grew up coming down to a crowded, noisy kitchen every morning—and I miss it. I want my Rika back and I don’t want my precious baby girl to think of me as someone she visits…who comes and goes.”

  “I get that,” Tom Alan said. “I think it’s awesome. I’m glad you two are together again. Really. And we’ll give you the space you need.” He headed for the cupboard with his gym bag for snacks.

  “No.” Billy grabbed the strap and yanked him back. “Everyone. I want you two around, too. I want to spend more time with Booger…Milo…and you. The five of us. Maybe Etsuko will be the happiest, most well-adjusted kid ever, because she will have four parents. One big happy family…our little sweetums…” Billy touched Etsuko’s nose, and then pointed for each one. “Mama, Dada…” Then he paused. “What are you?” he asked Milo.

  “All kinds of fabulous.”

  “I think that’s a little advanced for her skill level.”

  “The bloody future’s looking bright, except for me, because I have to go two whole weeks and two days without c—”

  “Wait.” Erika took Tom Alan’s arm. “What do you mean you’re not staying?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “You have to stay.”

  “We’ll see. Come on.” Tom Alan zipped his bag. “Everyone ready?”

  “Everyone?” Milo asked.

  “We’re all seeing you off,” Billy said. “Aren’t we, baby girl? Dada? Dada?”

  “That’s bollocks. I can get there by myself. Otherwise, everyone’s gotta double back to get to Irina Mischen’s.”

  “It’s not a problem,” Erika said. “It’s five minutes out of our way. Mrs. Wahl is picking up Etsuko there. And…we love you, idiot.”

  Milo softened. “I love you, too. All of you.” He took Tom Alan’s hand. “Especially you.” He kissed the palm and ran the sole of his bare foot over the top of Tom Alan’s. “You took your shoes and socks back off for me.”

  “I did. I never should have put them on
. I should have said to heck with garbage day. Someone should punish me.” He rubbed Milo’s tummy. “For my mood, too…all the bickering and squabbling.”

  “If only there was time, I’d punish you until your bum hurt for days.”

  Billy had a smile. Erika noticed it, as he sat there and chewed Rice Krispies with his mouth open.

  “Hey, bloke!” By the time she looked back, Milo had been raised off the floor and up against the fridge. Tom Alan kissed him passionately and grinded against him.

  “I wasted night two nights being stubborn and dumb. Now I won’t see you until…forever.”

  “I played games, too.” Milo grunted hard. “I know this stuff. I learned it—deflection—how people fight about something other than the real issue, how I refused to let it all go because somewhere deep down it was easier to leave if we were mad at each other. You wouldn’t miss grouchy, awful me so much.”

  “That’s a thing?” Tom Alan asked.

  “It is.”

  “I was doing it, too?”

  Milo smiled. “Maybe.”

  Tom Alan set him down.

  “That’s it,” Milo said. “I’m not going.”

  “Yes. Yes, you are. Go get your shoes. You can’t be late.”

  “He’ll only be late by Erika time,” Billy said. “Go get his shoes with him. You got a good fifteen minutes. The first train is never on time.”

  “What if it is?” Erika asked.

  “We’ll say we’re sorry and goodbye in the car,” Tom Alan said, snuggling into Milo’s neck. “While you’re driving.”

  “I like that. One hand on the wheel, one on you.”

  “Both hands and my mouth on you,” Tom Alan whispered.

  “Uh…no,” Erika objected. “I don’t think you should drive and…play at the same time. It’s not safe.”

  “I can multitask, Flower.”

  “Nuh-uh, Fisher.” Billy was on Erika’s side. Perhaps the tides had turned. “Let’s take a vote.”

  “What?” Tom Alan was incredulous.

  “This is one of those rule things we’d discuss as a group. Would you be cool with your gay teenage son giving his boyfriend…you know…while he’s driving, or would you set down a no s-e-x in a moving motor vehicle rule?”

  “Once again, Billy, probably not gender-specific.” Erika kissed the top of his head, his hair still damp and smelling of apricot shampoo.

  “Gotcha. Good point.” He brushed her cheek. “All in favor of the no BJ in the c-a-r rule…Frick.”

  “We get the point.” Erika’s hand went up. Billy’s followed, and Tom Alan raised his, more like a flick.

  “Bloody democracy,” Milo grumbled. “Long live the monarchy, I say.”

  “Dada.”

  Everyone turned towards Etsuko, alone at the table. “She said it.” Billy’s smile was a mile wide.

  “Yes, she did,” Tom Alan concurred. “For definite this time.”

  “Say it again, baby girl,” Billy coaxed. “Dada. Dada.”

  Etsuko only giggled as everyone waited.

  “She will…eventually. Go, Milo.” Erika shoved him gently. “Get shoes. Billy’ll take you two in the truck. It has darkened windows.”

  “Ohhh.” Milo was liking the new plan.

  “Park at the far end of the lot.”

  “What if someone comes?” Tom Alan asked, the bulge in his sweatpants noticeably thicker.

  “No one parks back there until later in the day. Billy will be the lookout just in case.”

  “I’m just going to stand there all suspicious?”

  “You want to participate, Hockey Puck?”

  “Not today. Today’s just for you two.”

  “Pretend you’re smoking,” Erika said.

  “I don’t have a cigarette.”

  “Here.” Erika tossed him a lollipop from her gym bag. “From a distance, no one will know the difference.”

  “And it’ll satiate your oral fixation,” Milo said. “For the time being.”

  “And we’ll hope you’re right…about the train never being on time.”

  * * * *

  Billy still had the lollipop stick in his mouth as he leisurely strolled behind Tom Alan and Milo, who ran hand-in-hand for the train. It had come to a stop with a squeal and a puff nearly three minutes earlier, leaving Erika to wonder if Milo really had changed his mind about going.

  “Ten-minute delay,” she said. “The God of love was on your side. How was it?” she asked with a smirk.

  “Bloody wonderful…except barely long enough,” Milo said.

  “I had to turn up my music twice.” Billy touched the ear buds dangling around his neck. “No wonder you could hear them through the vent.”

  “Some of that was for you, Hockey Puck.”

  “It was not,” Tom Alan said.

  “They started on the way, Rika…all three of us in a row.”

  “How hard was it not to reach over?” she teased.

  “Like…half hard,” Billy said.

  The buzzer sounded then, and 30 Seconds to Departure began to flash. “The train’s ready to go.” Suddenly, everyone’s mood became more somber. “Where did the summer go?” Tom Alan asked.

  “It’s only a few nights,” Milo said.

  “And then a few more, and a few more after that.”

  “Time will go fast…looking back, at least.” He kissed Tom Alan’s hand. “Our transitional period is almost over. Pretty soon, I’ll find work close to home and we’ll settle down like a dull, boring married couple—if you don’t go flitting all over the globe.”

  “I’ll miss you, Brit.” Erika actually had a lump in her throat.

  “Me, too, Flower. And you…” Milo pulled Billy into a hug. “Take care while I’m gone. It’s only fourteen nights,” he reiterated when Tom Alan’s turn came again. “We survived almost that long last year when you were in Japan.”

  “I’ve gotten used to having you every night.”

  “We’re a lot closer this time, love. A train ride away. A long one, but…” Milo reached for his neck. The pendant wasn’t there. “Bloody hell.”

  “It’s on the counter,” Tom Alan said. “Here.” He took off his. “I’ll put yours on the minute I get home.”

  “Good deal, love.” Milo kissed him as the timer ticked down. “We’ll talk ten times a day. We’ll sext. Remember when you had a no dick pics rule?”

  Tom Alan smiled. “Two years ago.”

  “See. Two years like that.” Milo snapped his fingers. “Time flies like an arrow.” They kissed yet again and didn’t let go, even as the numbers got down to single digits. Not a moment was going to be wasted.

  “Send me a foot pic first,” Tom Alan said. “Like you used to.”

  “You got it, Skater Boy. Make sure whoever hears from Jesse at school doesn’t forget to share. Good luck upstate. Land that quad.”

  “We’ll try.” And then they were quiet, until the large red digital timer ticked down to four. “The doors are going to shut. I love you, Milo.”

  “I adore you, Skater Boy, beyond anything I ever imagined.” Milo’s fingertips grazed Tom Alan’s, then his palm, and finally the wrist. “Goodbye, love.” Then he was gone.

  Chapter 10

  Billy drove Erika up to the Mischen Rink in the truck. He only had to remind her of the “no sex while driving” rule twice.

  “Whoa.” She stared in awe out across the ice upon entering.

  “Come up to the stands. You can see it better.” He led the way.

  “You’re right.” There were dozens of hearts, in various sizes, etched into the ice. “It’s amazing.”

  “Yeah?”

  Erika turned to Billy. “Yes.” She kissed him.

  “Irina will probably pitch a fit,” Billy said. “Now that you’ve seen it, maybe Tom Alan can Zamboni the evidence away before she gets here.”

  “No. Come skate on it with me.” She led him back down the steps.

  “I’m going to be late for class.”

>   “So…?” Erika touched his chest and then his belly. She didn’t stop there. “You can copy someone’s notes.”

  Convincing him wasn’t difficult. They swirled and twirled around the ice, over and between the hearts. Erika swirled and twirled. Billy hobbled. He could skate at full speed. Anything else was less graceful. How he’d managed to make the hearts actually look like hearts in hockey skates, Erika could only imagine. She pictured him meticulously skating on one blade, sticking his tongue out on one side like he did whenever concentrating hard. The mental image brought forth a smile.

  “You’re so romantic,” she said.

  “Damned right.”

  “And aroused still? From watching the guys?”

  “No. It’s because I’m close to you. Let’s not talk about the guys.” Billy’s kiss took Erika’s breath. “I’m happy where I am.”

  “Yeah?” She got in front of him, skating backwards as she pulled him by his belt over to the boards. “Well, I think I can make you happier.”

  “Babe,” he muttered, when her hand went down his pants.

  “You’ll never be able to concentrate in class if we don’t take care of that.”

  “What time does Irina come?”

  “Seven-thirty. Right on the dot. Every day. You have plenty of time.”

  “We have eleven minutes.”

  “Think you can…?”

  “Can you?” Billy’s hand was at her ass and he grabbed it.

  “Uh-uh. I can’t. It will ruin my practice. Relax.”

  He did. His breathing calmed and he started to hum. “I’m close.”

  Erika undid his pants and let them fall to his shoes.

  “Oops. Dang! Sorry.” Billy spun around in the direction of Tom Alan’s voice. “My bad.” Tom Alan turned and headed back for the locker room.

  “He’s come on this ice,” Erika said. “And he and Milo skated around in here naked,” she whispered.

  “I’m not thinking about them.”

  “You’re not?” She was right at his ear.

  “Only you. So, why haven’t we?” Billy asked.

  “Because you’re always cold.”

  He shivered.

  “See. Press yourself into me. I’ll keep you warm.”

  Billy came against Erika’s thigh with her mouth at his neck. She looked over his shoulder, and caught Tom Alan’s eyes before he disappeared behind the wall. “Nice. I love my hearts. Thank you.”